I love to socialize and connect with others, but at some point, I hit a wall. I want to curl up into a ball, watch TV and disconnect from the world. While many people who experience social exhaustion would love to escape some situations to decompress at home and find time to replenish, sometimes we just can’t step away.
For example, you may feel social fatigue if you have to attend an all-day conference, work a long day at the office or join an event with family or friends. If you’re stuck in a situation and you find yourself spiraling, the tips outlined below can help you feel good as you power through.
Understanding social fatigue
Social fatigue varies from person to person and often depends on personality type, explains Reneé Carr, Psy.D. “Introverts are prone to social fatigue because they naturally have higher levels of cortical arousal. This makes them more likely to be easily drained when having to socialize for extended periods of time or when in larger social settings. Their bodies will experience physical stress, which can, in turn, cause an increase in irritability, anxiety or panic.”
Introverts get a bad name because people think they have no social-emotional IQ, but Carr says that’s not true at all. Introverts prefer low-energy opportunities to preserve the social energy they naturally have.
Extroverts, in contrast, have low cortical arousal levels and often seek external stimulation. Therefore, they may last longer when they are out and about, but can still experience exhaustion. “Extroverts can also have social fatigue, and this usually results from feeling internal or external pressure to be ‘on’ or be the life of the party,” says Carr.
7 tips for handling social exhaustion
Understanding social exhaustion and how it works is crucial to implementing steps to combat it. Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert or somewhere in between, use these tips to center yourself.
1. Reset your mind by breathing
One way to cope with social fatigue is by calming yourself down through breathing exercises. Couples and relationship therapist Kelley J. Brower, LMHC, CFRC, suggests creating an “atomic reset,” as she likes to call it, or calming down into sloth mode. When you notice anxiety symptoms or are socially overloaded, inhale and hold your breath for as long as you can. Brower suggests holding it for five to 10 Mississippis. At the end, let out a super long exhale as a way to reset the brain.
“The brain is in fight, flight or freeze [mode]. In social situations, I call them ‘social freakouts.’ Our brain is frozen. We’re frozen. We all need to get oxygen to the brain. Holding your breath literally hijacks the brain’s fight or flight system.”
2. Let others take on the bulk of the conversation
When you’re stuck at a social gathering and can’t leave, find an extrovert in the room, or someone who has more energy than you do, and let them do more of the talking, recommends Carr. Ask them about themselves or ask open-ended questions so they dominate the conversation. Not only will you get a break from talking, but you might make a new friend. People love to talk about themselves and they love someone who will listen.
3. Reframe your thoughts and expectations
“Recognize if you are placing more importance on the event than what is needed or placing more pressure on yourself to ‘be’ a certain way at the event,” says Carr. “Then change your perceptions to be more realistic. Change your mindset about yourself by understanding that fatigue is the same as stress. It is both your body’s and mind’s way of telling you that you are giving out more than you are receiving and that your physical and mental energy levels are very low. Then, avoid feeling guilty for not wanting to be social at this particular time or for wanting time alone to replenish.”
“Anxiety zaps energy,” says clinical psychologist Jenny Prohaska, Ph.D. “If your internal thoughts at a social event are anxiety based, there are some good skills you can use to reduce that anxiety, allowing you to withstand more social interaction without feeling so fatigued.”
Prohaska recommends thinking about what particular situations start a negative thought spiral. “Get the who, where or when. Don’t worry about ‘why’ because that’ll make [you] obsess. If you have great self-awareness of [what triggers your anxiety], you can self-regulate better.”
4. Use the “spoon theory”
If you only get one spoonful of social energy for the day, carefully pour that spoonful out, being mindful that you need to make it last, explains Prohaska. Here’s a technique that can drive better self-awareness and regulation of your social resources: Each morning, assess where your social energy will need to be distributed throughout the day. Pay attention to where you spend that energy so you have it when you need it.
5. Use a transitional object
Feelings of anxiety can make it difficult to focus and make choices in a social setting. But holding a transitional object, such as a fidget cube in your pocket, can remind you to be present and listen, says Brower. It can also take away some internal anxiety, making you less socially exhausted.
6. Step away for a minute
Steal moments for yourself whenever you can. If there is a lull in the conversation, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom to freshen up, go to the bar and get a drink or step outside and take a moment to yourself, says Carr. A few minutes alone can be just the break you need to get to the end of the event.
7. Condition yourself to do more
While social fatigue is real and difficult, challenging yourself to do a little bit more in the moment may build your stamina, says Prohaska. She recommends looking at it like a conditioning program. See if you can manage another five or 10 minutes before needing to reset, like you’re training for a marathon. Then, you can squeeze out one or two more beneficial interactions. With practice, your social battery may last longer each time. Social exhaustion can take a toll on even the most extroverted person. Remember that you can never pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself and recharging is all part of personal growth.
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